The Paradox of Change: Is There Gain Without Pain? || By Rick Garcia, Certified Sex/Cannabis Coach, LMT
As a sex coach, I’ve had the privilege of guiding individuals through transformative journeys in their intimate lives. One curious aspect of this process is the paradox of change: my clients have the desire for growth and more often than not, there is a resistance that comes up in the face of change. It begs the question: Can we truly experience gain without enduring some level of discomfort or pain?
Human nature is complex. We yearn for progress, yet we hold onto what we know to be familiar to us.
This is done on both a conscious and subconscious level. This dichotomy is evident in various facets of our lives, including relationships, career aspirations, and personal development. Clients often seek my help because they want to move forward, to evolve, experience new sensations, to break free from stagnation and old patterns. Yet, there is that point in the coaching process when they look at the real possibility of change and they encounter resistance, hesitation, and sometimes even fear.
But why do we resist change, even when we know it’s for the better? One reason is the inherent discomfort that accompanies stepping out of our comfort zones. Change disrupts our routines, challenges our beliefs, shifts our values and forces us to confront aspects of ourselves we may have been avoiding. It requires effort, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace the unknown.
Something to keep in mind is that within discomfort lies the potential for growth, fulfillment, and profound transformation. Just as a muscle must be stretched to grow stronger, so too must we stretch ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to reach new heights. Change invites us to expand our perspectives, explore new possibilities, and discover untapped reservoirs of strength within ourselves.
So why do we hold onto patterns or ways of thinking that no longer serve us?
Well, as I said above, our subconscious and consciousness reinforce our choices. As humans, our minds will hold onto the negative more than we do to the positive. Why do we do this? So that we can be safe. Having behaviors that do not serve us is common; everyone has something that doesn’t serve them. While these behaviors or patterns may not serve us, we’ve learned to navigate life with them. We know how to survive with it. We might be sitting in total chaos, but it’s chaos we know. It’s chaos that we can control and anticipate (to one degree or another). It’s not healthy, but it might be all we know. Taking out those routines that don’t serve us could lead to a better life, but we don’t know how that will look or feel. For some people, the pain of where we are is easier than the pain of uncertainty. Moving away from it causes an anticipation of pain.
But does this mean that change always has to be painful?
Not necessarily. While growth often involves some level of discomfort, it doesn’t always have to be excruciating. In fact, approaching change with an open mind, a positive attitude, a support system and a willingness to learn can mitigate much of the pain. Cultivating self-compassion, seeking support from others, and celebrating small victories along the way can also make the journey more manageable.
Moreover, the growing pains of change are not happening because of the process itself but rather, it stems from our resistance to it. When we hold too tightly to the past or fear the uncertainty of the future, we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. Learning to let go of what no longer serves us and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead can alleviate much of this pain.
Ultimately, the paradox of change reminds us that growth is not always easy, but it is undeniably worth it.
It challenges us to confront our fears, overcome obstacles, and become the best versions of ourselves. And while there may be pain along the way, the gains far outweigh the discomfort. So the next time you find yourself resisting change, remember that within the discomfort lies the seeds of transformation, waiting to blossom into something beautiful.
In conclusion, the journey of personal growth is not about avoiding pain but rather embracing it as an integral part of the process. By acknowledging the paradox of change and leaning into the discomfort, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and potential. No matter how alone or misunderstood we feel, there is always someone that is there for you. This may be in the form of a friend, a family member, a therapist or a coach. So dare to step outside your comfort zone, reach out to seek support so that you can create the change you’re looking for with as much ease as possible.
About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at [email protected].
