The day you mourn and weep for another’s death … the Igbo community rituals of mourning || By Lisa Martinez, Affordable Counseling Intern for People House, ERYT 200-RYT 500
Continuing my exploration of various cultural mourning and grief rituals, for this post I’m featuring the story of my dear friend Maria who is from the Igbo ethnic group in Nigeria. The Igbo people form one of the largest people groups in Nigeria originating from Igboland, an area located in an eastern and western section near the lower Niger River. She has graciously allowed me to share parts of her story of the passing of her father and the rituals of her community. It is the profound and tangible sense of the community experiencing grief that is woven throughout Maria’s story and the Igbo people.
The extensive support of the community and the rituals surrounding death serve as an example of how to care for the bereaved and communally process death.
When Maria was a young woman, her father, a local influential attorney and community leader, passed away suddenly at the age of 56, leaving a legacy of a large family and a prominent and valuable position in the community. The shock of his passing left all in the community grieving, and so began a days- and weeks-long ritual of mourning his death.
Because Igbo people are a majority Catholic group, much of Maria’s story of the beliefs and rituals surrounding the death of her father relate to the Bible. Maria described her community’s belief about rituals related to the ages of the deceased as stemming from Psalm 90:10, “Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.” For this reason, a celebration of life ritual is valued for those eighty and older because they have reached the pinnacle of strength. If a person dies between 70 and 80, and the person is not in pain, it is also a reason for a celebration of life. If the deceased is younger than 70, it is more difficult for the community, especially if it was due to unexpected circumstances. Due to this, Maria described the impact of her father’s death as immense “crying and wailing” throughout the family and community.
Her father was mourned also by smaller sub-communities – the local group of attorneys in Lagos, the Catholic society, their home village. Each community along with their family hosted wakes, called “wake- keeping”, to provide the necessary honoring of his life. Wake-keepings are times of mourning and celebration imbued with singing, dancing, eating, drinking and remembering. Families often spend significant amounts of money providing the community with several opportunities to commemorate the deceased. This can be overwhelming at times for the family and so the community often contributes. In the case of the death of children, the community forbids the family from providing for the ceremonies and burial, instead providing for the family to bury their child.
Maria’s family accompanied his body along the trek toward the home village, where his final resting place would be. After several days of wake-keepings and ceremonies, the people walked behind the car with his body for four miles to the burial site near his village in Igboland. The Igbo people believe that if the body is not brought home to Igboland, the soul becomes lost and will never rest until the body is brought home.
After his death, Maria’s mother shaved her hair in steps, a small bit after each ceremony. Widows mark the mourning not only by shaving their hair but also by staying out of markets and other shopping areas for three months to one year, until the ikwa ozu or “second burial”. The ikwa ozu is a celebration of deceased loved ones which takes place anywhere from two weeks to one year after the death. It is another time of spiritual rites, songs, dance and expression which also serves as a support for the bereaved family members.
Maria reminded me that for the Igbo people, death is a time of transition – a home-going for the soul of the deceased to take their place as an honored ancestor.
All their celebrations and mourning rites do not avoid or diminish the pain of the loss, but rather honor their love for the deceased and their value to the community as a whole. Finally, Maria emphasized the importance of the concept, “Mbọsi onye kwalụ mmadụ k’ọkwalụ onw’ye’”, or “The day you mourn and weep for another’s death is perceived as the day that you mourn your own death – a recognition of your own transition.” Through this, the Igbo community demonstrates ancient understanding of the vital need for extensive social support during times of painful loss and transforms the fear of death into a time of transition from one part of life to the next.
Resources:
https://www.academia.edu/35168817/Continuum_Journal_of_Media_and_Cultural_Studies_Creativity
_in_calamity_Igbo_funeral_as_interface_of_visuality_and_performance
https://www.nigerianjournalsonline.com/index.php/JOCAS/article/download/1757/1717?__cf_chl_tk=d
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About the Author: As a mother of six sons, Lisa’s greatest joy in life is her family. Tragically, however, in 2002, she and her husband, Aaron, lost their fourth son Benjamin in an unexpected accident. From then on, Lisa experienced a long, painful struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder and deep grief. She was introduced to yoga as a daily practice to help her rest and reset her mind. After over 18 years of her personal growth as a student and a teacher of yoga, she continues to explore the relationship between spirituality, somatics and mental health. She is currently pursuing a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling at Messiah University and is privileged to work with People House as an Affordable Counseling Intern. Upon licensure, she intends to combine her in-depth knowledge of spiritual practices, yoga, and meditation with clinical counseling techniques to offer holistic therapy to clients, focusing on grief, trauma and bereavement issues for parents.
