The Self of the Therapist: Showing Up as We Are || By Annabelle Denmark
In the therapy room, we often talk about authenticity—encouraging clients to show up as their full selves. But what about us, the therapists? What does it mean to bring our whole selves into work? For me, the answer lies in the intersection of grit, roots, and a refusal to pretend I’m someone I’m not.
I come from the north of France, a region shaped by coal, farmland, and war. Generations of my family worked with their hands—blue-collar, practical people who survived on resilience and realism. My grandmothers lived through occupation during WWII, raising families under scarcity and fear, and somehow never losing their sharp sense of humor. That legacy lives in me. As a therapist, I bring that same no-nonsense presence: I won’t waste your time with fluff, and I’m not afraid of pain, grief, or hard truths.
I’m an immigrant. I’ve lived in the U.S. for over 20 years. I’m French, and I’m white. That means I carry privilege—I don’t face racism or systemic barriers because of the color of my skin. But being an immigrant still leaves a mark. There’s a low hum of unbelonging I carry every day, a sense that no matter how long I’ve been here, I’ll never quite be “from here.” People notice the accent. The different references. The gap between how I see the world and how the culture around me operates.
For a long time, I minimized that part of myself. I didn’t want to take up space with my story or my differences. I was afraid it would center me instead of my clients. But a supervisor once told me something that changed how I work: “Use your privilege as a strength—not something to be ashamed of. That doesn’t serve you or your clients.” She was right.
Now, I lean into all of it. I don’t pretend to be neutral. I show up fully. ADHD brain, direct language, big heart, and all. I name mistakes when I make them. I check my biases. I laugh with clients, cry with them when needed, and speak plainly—especially when it’s hard. I work with other neurodivergent folks, immigrants, people figuring out who they are in a world that tries to box them in. And I meet them where they are, because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re never quite “doing it right.”
The self of the therapist is not a polished, perfect figure who floats above the work. It’s a living, breathing person, shaped by history, pain, joy, and identity. My background—my quirks, my people, my accent, my privilege—is not baggage to hide, but material to work with.
Clients don’t need perfection. They need someone real. Someone who shows up, not just as a professional, but as a person. That’s the therapist I try to be—one who honors where I come from, and uses that to walk with others toward where they want to go.
Annabelle Denmark (she/they), MA, LPC is a therapist based in Lakewood, CO. They specialize in trauma informed (Parts work, EMDR and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy) individual therapy for neurodivergent adults. You can find them at https://www.renegadecounseling.com
