Should We Advance or Evolve in the Bedroom? || By Rick Garcia, Certified Sex/Cannabis Coach, LMT
As a sex coach, I often find amazing metaphors about life in odd places and I find a way to translate them into sexual health. I recently found myself watching a TV show that focused on technology. This show was great and at its core it was a cautionary tale about the dangers of advancing. Then, I thought about the current state of our world. We are in a time where artificial intelligence has reached unprecedented levels, our lives are intertwined with technology in ways we could have only imagined. This led me to reflect on the idea of advancing vs. evolution, and that led me to thinking about these subjects in the bedroom.
When I thought about this subject, I thought about a person I met a couple of years ago. This person hadn’t done much in terms of sexual exploration and they felt that they were left behind. They didn’t dabble in online apps, they didn’t use onlyfans, they didn’t visit sex clubs. When I first met this person, they said “I’m not cool, I’m not doing these things and I feel like I’ve missed the boat.” What struck me, was the fact that this person didn’t say they wanted to do these things. When I asked more questions, they said “I don’t really want to do these things, but if I don’t then I feel like I’m left out.”
This reflection brought up a question that shares an almost mirrored reflection with technology: just because I can, should I?
Now, don’t get me wrong. This blog is going online, it will be posted to my social media accounts, so the irony of this post is not wasted on me. On the sexual side, I often advocate for people to understand their desires and explore in a safe way if that feels good to them. There is always a choice. Once again, just because we can, should we? It’s crucial to recognize the power of choice and the work we put into our relationships. The impact these two ideas can have on our overall well-being and evolution as humans can shape not only who we are but also how we see (and are seen by) the world.
To truly understand the dynamics at play, it’s essential to distinguish between evolving and advancing in the context of sexual health. Evolution implies a natural progression, a development that aligns with personal growth and experiences. Advancement, on the other hand, often involves the incorporation of external elements.
In the realm of sexual health, evolving might involve deepening emotional connections, exploring one’s desires, and embracing a holistic approach to well-being. Advancing, on the contrary, could be adopting the idea that there are quick fixes and one technique fits all.
Evolving sexually often involves prioritizing emotional connections, fostering intimacy, and deepening understanding with partners.
An evolved sexual experience is rooted in authenticity, allowing individuals to explore their desires in a genuine and mindful manner. While this evolution sounds simple, the reality is that evolution takes time, and the process does require patience. It involves a gradual unfolding of one’s sexual self. Embracing evolution does call on individuals to be vulnerable, exposing themselves to the uncertainties that come with personal growth.
Advancing can open up new realms of sexual exploration and enhancement while providing diverse experiences and catering to unique preferences. You might see these advancements advertised as masterclasses for love making or a pill that will turn you into a lover with unending stamina. While things like this can bring innovation to the bedroom, it is important to understand that sticking to a script or a “one size fits all” mentality can hinder genuine connections with partners. I can name 20 things that are considered erotic, but people are unique and what one person finds pleasurable can be downright upsetting for someone else. So that expensive masterclass no longer applies.
Treating your partner as an individual sounds easy, but it can be hard to have conversations about pleasure and what we like. That’s the great thing about coaching. It invites a safe place to explore your own sexual self while learning tools to help you communicate with partners.
The number of sexual partners or sexual acts that we’ve done doesn’t necessarily determine one’s level of evolution. Instead, it’s the quality of connections and the depth of experiences that contribute to personal growth. Someone who cultivates connected sex, characterized by meaningful interactions and shared intimacy, may find themselves on a path of profound evolution. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that you have to have only one partner to know the true connection. I’ve had clients who are in monogamous relationships who have zero connection to their partners, I’ve also had clients who love sex and connection and will have 1-2 partners each week that are meaningful and connected.
To sum it all up, you have a choice. If all 32 flavors speak to you that’s great, but you don’t have to try each flavor. How wild or reserved you are says nothing about who you actually are. The connections you foster, the way you show up, that is what says who you are. The intersection of evolving and advancing in sexual health requires a delicate balance. It’s crucial to approach your sexual expression with mindfulness, prioritizing genuine connections and personal growth. As a sex coach, my mission is to guide individuals on a journey that aligns with their authentic selves, a sexual evolution (and sometimes revolution) that transcends the boundaries of expectations and enhances the richness of human connection.
