Men’s Mental Health Month: How to better understand and support the men in our lives || By Kevin Culver LPCC
June is Men’s Mental Health Month, which seeks to bring awareness to the issues men experience and reduce stigma around men seeking help. As a therapist that works primarily with men, I acknowledge the importance of advocating for men’s mental health. As such, I want to utilize this blog post to broadly summarize the issues men encounter and what we can do to support the men in our lives.
The reality of men’s mental health
To put this topic in perspective, here are some statistics:
- Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50.
- Men account for three-quarters of completed suicide.
- In a given year, 6 million men will experience symptoms of depression.
- 1 in 5 men will develop alcohol dependency at some point in their life.
These statistics are unsettling and beg two important questions – what factors are contributing to these high numbers and what can we do to help?
A common factor in much of my work with men is that they’re isolated and lonely. Men often have few friends and even fewer people who they can rely on for emotional support. Without consistent support or community, men often turn inward – suffering immensely inside but projecting a facade of strength, toughness, and stability. This leads to a vicious cycle of isolation and suppression of their emotional experience.
To cope with their pain and frustration, many men turn to substances, like alcohol, or distractions like video games, pornography, or exercise. However, these only work as temporary solutions to their distress. Eventually, the pressure of the strong emotions they’re experiencing (anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, trauma) reaches a tipping point and may result in angry outbursts, withdrawal into numbness, or, as a last resort, suicidality.
Contributing societal factors
So, why is this the current reality for many men?
The most prominent factor is in how men are socialized. Growing up, many guys are told to “man up,” “rub some dirt in it,” or told in some other way to suppress their emotional experience. This messaging does two things: one, it invalidates men’s emotional experience and tells them their emotions aren’t worthwhile; and two, it teaches men to hide their emotional experience and project toughness in the midst of their pain
Over time, this messaging becomes internalized to the point where many men feel their needs aren’t worthwhile, and more importantly, that they as individuals aren’t worthwhile.
Another factor is the messaging men hear about toxic masculinity. Although it is absolutely true that some forms of masculinity can be toxic, demeaning, and harmful to others, my fear is that the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater and all masculinity has been deemed toxic.
When the label of toxic masculinity is applied too generally and without discernment, it can further isolate men, invalidate their experience, and distract from the unique issues they’re dealing with. For many men, it is easier to suffer in silence than risk being judged or canceled for expressing how they actually feel.
What we can do to help
Although the reality of men’s mental health may seem bleak, there are certain things we can do as friends, family members, and partners to support the men in our lives:
- Listen (without judgment), offer emotional support, and validate men’s experiences.
- Acknowledge fears, skepticism, and stigma many men feel around seeking help.
- Challenge the notion that men always need to be strong and silent.
- Reframe seeking help and vulnerability as indicators of strength rather than of weakness.
- Increase access to men’s mental health programs and men’s groups (e.g., resources for male survivors of sexual assault).
And if you’re going through a difficult time right now, know that you’re not alone. There is help out there and there are spaces for you to process your experience, be heard, and be given the opportunity to create meaningful change in your life. Take the first step and reach out for help today.
About the author: Kevin Culver, LPCC, is a professional counselor, published author, and owner of Resilient Kindness Counseling. Kevin has a MA in Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Theological Studies. With a background in spirituality, philosophy, and psychological research, Kevin provides a holistic approach to therapy that seeks to honor each client’s unique personality, worldview, and life aspirations. In his therapeutic work, he helps clients rediscover their humanity and create greater meaning in their lives, work, and relationships. He enjoys working with individuals from all backgrounds, but specializes in working with men’s issues, spirituality, and relationship issues. If you are interested in working with Kevin or learning more about his practice, please visit resilientkindness.com or email him at kevin@resilientkindness.com
