I Think, Therefore I’m Not: Breaking Free from Limiting Mindsets || By Rick Garcia, Certified Sex/Cannabis Coach, LMT
As a child, my favorite book was The Monster at the End of This Book. It’s a great read for kids with lessons that carry over into adulthood. Spoiler alert: Grover knows there’s a monster at the end of the book and is terrified. Each page brings him closer to what he imagines to be a terrifying creature, leading to panic and pleas for the reader to stop turning the pages. In the end, he discovers that the monster is nothing more than himself, and everything is fine. The monster was bigger in his mind than in reality.
It’s curious—our minds are powerful tools, capable of shaping our realities in profound ways. Yet, we often let our thoughts and imaginations confine us rather than liberate us. We become so scared of the monsters we create that we give them life, allowing them to wreak havoc on our relationships and our understanding of sex and sexuality. We build walls around what we believe is possible, desirable, or even acceptable. These walls become barriers that prevent us from having what we want. But what if we challenged those limiting beliefs? What if we dared to explore the full spectrum of our desires and connections?
The Power of Mindset in Sex and Relationships
Mindset is everything. It influences how we perceive ourselves, how we connect with others, and how we experience pleasure. When we hold onto limiting beliefs about our bodies, our desires, or our worthiness of love, we restrict our ability to fully engage in relationships and sexuality.
Consider how many times you’ve told yourself, “I’m not attractive enough,” “I’m too old to explore new aspects of my sexuality,” or “I can’t find someone who truly understands me.” These thoughts don’t just reflect reality; they create one. They form a narrative that keeps you from exploring the beauty of what could be.
Expectation vs. Experience: Shaping Outcomes
Expectations can heavily influence how we feel about our experiences. Take, for instance, someone who goes to a club with the sole expectation of meeting someone. When that doesn’t happen, they walk away feeling defeated and bad about themselves. If their mindset had been focused on simply enjoying the night with friends, they might have left with a sense of fulfillment rather than disappointment.
I’ve had many clients who think they’re not attractive enough for their partner, and this self-doubt manifests as erectile dysfunction. Their body responds to the story their mind is telling them. However, when clients start coaching, they can begin to unravel those thoughts. By practicing mindful masturbation, they can discover they are in control of their own orgasm. By shifting this mindset, they begin to enjoy sex—both solo and shared—in a way they never had before.
Expectations can either open us up to possibilities or set us up for disappointment. When we focus on the experience rather than the outcome, we give ourselves the freedom to enjoy the moment for what it is, rather than what we hoped it would be.
Challenging the Norms: Attraction Beyond the Surface
Attraction is often boxed into narrow definitions—youth, specific body types, conventional beauty standards. But true attraction goes deeper than that. It’s about the energy, connection, and shared experiences that can be found in places you might not expect. Can we open our minds to see beauty wherever we find it, not just in the places society tells us to look?
Imagine what might happen if you allowed yourself to be drawn to someone’s intelligence, kindness, or passion, rather than just their physical appearance. How might that change your relationships? Your sexuality?
Realistic Goals: Balancing Ambition with Reality
We all have dreams and aspirations, but it’s important to balance them with realistic goals. If you’re 50 years old and have never trained as an astronaut, becoming one might not be feasible. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t explore your interest in space—perhaps by studying rocket science or engaging with the space community in other meaningful ways.
Similarly, in your sexual and relational life, it’s crucial to set goals that are both challenging and achievable. Maybe you won’t suddenly transform into a sexually liberated person overnight, but you can start by exploring your desires, learning about your body, or seeking out new experiences that resonate with your authentic self.
Breaking Free: A New Narrative
The key to overcoming these limiting beliefs lies in rewriting the narratives we tell ourselves. Instead of “I’m too old to try this,” you might say, “I’m curious about exploring this aspect of myself, and I’m going to take small steps toward that.” Instead of “I’m not attractive enough,” try, “I’m going to embrace and celebrate the unique qualities that make me who I am.”
By shifting our mindset, we open ourselves up to new possibilities in our relationships, our sexualities, and our lives as a whole. It’s not about ignoring reality, but about expanding it—finding beauty, connection, and pleasure in places we may have never thought to look.
Is this process easy? No, but easy and better aren’t the same thing. My role as a coach is to help guide others on this path, to stay with them through both the good times and the hard times. If you’re ready to face the monster at the end of this blog, please reach out and start to change the narrative.
About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at [email protected].
