Embracing Abandonment: Shifting Focus to Pleasure || By Rick Garcia, Certified Sex/Cannabis Coach, LMT
Please don’t let the title fool you, we are going to be discussing pleasure and orgasm. If this is not a subject you want to explore right now; then please come back when you’re ready.
In a world filled with expectations and pressures, our sexual experiences often become centered around achieving the big “O”. However, by fixating solely on the orgasm, we overlook the ecstasy and depth of pleasure that can be found in moments of erotic abandonment. In this blog post, I want to explore the concept of erotic abandonment, challenge expectations, and explore what would happen if we shifted our sexual “performance” into a sexual experience.
Erotic abandonment refers to the act of surrendering to pleasure and fully immersing oneself in the sensual experience without preoccupying thoughts of performance or outcome.
Performance and outcome, those words will derail an erotic experience, fast. Think about it, when you’re performing, you’re doing exactly that, performing. Rather than getting lost in the experience, you’re acting rather than reacting. Focusing on the outcome does the same thing. If you know how to create the outcome then it’s easy to fall into a routine, so you’re not experiencing the abandonment, you’re just traveling the same road, over and over again. Erotic abandonment involves embracing vulnerability, exploring desires/fantasies, and allowing oneself to be present in the moment. By letting go of rigid expectations, we open ourselves to a world of pleasure that extends far beyond the climax.
Society and media often place too much importance on the orgasm, and that can cause us to think that the orgasm is the ultimate goal of sexual encounters. This narrow focus can create anxiety, pressure, and even feelings of inadequacy. By shifting our perspective and prioritizing pleasure over the orgasm itself, we can cultivate a more expansive and fulfilling sexual experience. Pleasure encompasses a broad spectrum of sensations, touch, connection, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability, which should be cherished and explored.
The importance of novelty, curiosity, and exploration within intimate relationships is the antidote. Erotic abandonment is found in the perfect balance of safety and adventure. Finding this balance will allow you to be free to explore. When you reach this point, you can move beyond routine and predictability and then you’ll be able to foster a deeper connection with your partners and yourself.
The use of cannabis in the context of intimacy has gained attention in recent years. When used responsibly with consent, intention and education, cannabis can potentially enhance sensuality and intimacy.
Its relaxation-inducing properties can help alleviate stress and anxiety, allowing individuals to fully embrace the present moment and heighten sensory experiences. However, it is crucial to note that the effects of cannabis can vary greatly between individuals and here is where cannabis coaching can help. In past posts I’ve talked about the endocannabinoid system, this system is different for everyone, so what the budtender tells you works for them may not work for you. Cannabis coaching can help you understand your own ECS and inform you on chemovars that work for you. This might be THC dominant, it might be CBD or CBG based. There is no hard and fast rule, just what works for you.
Buddhism teaches us to cultivate mindfulness, to be fully present and aware in each moment. This practice can be applied to our sexual encounters, enabling us to immerse ourselves in the pleasure and connection they offer.
By letting go of expectations, judgments, and attachment to outcomes, we can create a space for authentic exploration, vulnerability, and acceptance. Buddhism also emphasizes the importance of non-attachment, reminding us that pleasure is transient and impermanent, further encouraging us to savor and appreciate each experience as it unfolds.
Embracing erotic abandonment requires a shift in perspective—a conscious decision to move away from orgasm-centric expectations and toward a more holistic appreciation of pleasure. There is no one tool that will make everything better, change requires change. The above sounds easy, but it’s a process. Sometimes it’s easy, other times it’s hard. If you are looking to transcend your erotic experience then you should reach out and start the process with a coach who has your back. If you’re not ready for that, then that’s okay. Just remember that pleasure is a multifaceted and ever-evolving tapestry, awaiting our exploration and celebration, it doesn’t matter how it looks, just how it feels.
About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at cannabasedcoachingandwellness@gmail.com.
