An Exploration into the Experience of Pet Loss and Pet Grief || By Kevin Culver LPCC
When we think of grief and loss, we often associate it with the loss of a person; but grief can also manifest in other forms, specifically after the loss of a pet.
It is unfortunate, however, that in our society we give little credence to the impact and weight that can accompany the death of a cherished pet.
As a therapist, I’ve spent many sessions helping clients navigate the complexity of emotion and pain that arise with the passing of an animal. And in recent months, my family experienced the loss of a pet – an adventurous and faithful dog named Oliver – eliciting my own feelings of sadness, loss, and grief.
All of this has led me to wonder – what is it about the loss of a pet that is so unexpectedly painful? And why does this experience of loss feel different from the other types of loss we experience throughout our lives?
My aim in this blog post is to explore these questions and provide some helpful suggestions for those currently experiencing grief surrounding the loss of an animal.
The Unique Experience of Losing a Pet
Most of us have experienced the painful loss of important people in our lives; and it’s just as likely that many of us have also lost pets, whether it’s a cat, a dog, a hamster, or a horse.
Although these experiences encompass many of the same emotions, there is something qualitatively different about pet grief. In my experience, and in the experience of my clients, the loss of a pet is a layered and symbolic loss of that season of life we enjoyed with that animal.
Animals do not live as long as us. But in those brief years they are with us, we as humans experience significant changes and events in our lives – we may leave home for college, we may get married and have children, we may experience a season of depression or suffering, we may lose a parent or partner.
So much can happen and change in a matter of years; and often the only thing that is consistent in such a state of flux is our pet’s faithful presence. Their presence grounds us and provides us with a sense of stability and routine, especially during tumultuous times.
We form bonds with animals unlike any other bond, and their presence, loyalty, and love is one of the few things we can rely on in our lives. They become our companion and friend, giving our day-to-day lives a sense of joyful purpose.
So when our pet becomes sick or passes away, it shakes our sense of stability and reality. We come home and no one is there to happily greet us; we wake in the morning and notice an absence; our routine is altered as we are no longer needed to feed, walk, or groom our faithful friend.
The loss can make life feel unreal, unsettling, and confusing. So what are we to do when we lose a pet? And how can we ease and lean into the process of grief?
Ways to Honor and Navigate the Process of Pet Grief
Grief is a way to honor the meaning and impact our pets have had on our lives. And although not comprehensive, I’d like to offer a few suggestions for how you can navigate the process:
- Reflect and express gratitude
When our pet gets sick or old, we often have time to prepare for their loss. In this time before or after their death, spend time looking through photos of them and recall your favorite memories of them. Reflect on and express gratitude for the companionship they gave you and the meaning they added to your life.
- Talk about them
Our pets are very much like our family members. One way to honor them after they have passed is to recount favorite stories with others. Through our stories, they are given new life in our memory; and through the telling of these stories, we can also mend the emptiness left in their absence.
- Create a meaningful burial
You may have the option to bury your animal or cremate them. The act of burial can provide you with a sense of closure and of putting your pet to final rest. You can spread ashes in their favorite part of the backyard, on their favorite walk, or somewhere that was meaningful to the both of you.
- Be patient
Grief has no time limit. It ebbs and flows over weeks, months, and years. Give yourself permission to grieve, to feel the complex emotions, and to recognize that the loss of a pet is real and worth paying attention to. Take a day off of work, tell others about it, and, most importantly, take care of yourself.
About the author: Kevin Culver, LPCC, is a professional counselor, published author, and owner of Resilient Kindness Counseling. Kevin has a MA in Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Theological Studies. With a background in spirituality, philosophy, and psychological research, Kevin provides a holistic approach to therapy that seeks to honor each client’s unique personality, worldview, and life aspirations. In his therapeutic work, he helps clients rediscover their humanity and create greater meaning in their lives, work, and relationships. He enjoys working with individuals from all backgrounds, but specializes in working with men’s issues, spirituality, and relationship issues. If you are interested in working with Kevin or learning more about his practice, please visit resilientkindness.com or email him at kevin@resilientkindness.com
