Would You Rather || By Laura Zwisler, LPC
I was watching a movie with my kids one time, and a character posed this question: Would you rather drink only plain water for the rest of your life, or anything you liked, but it would have one drop of pee in it? As you can imagine there were some follow up questions: Can you see the pee? No. Can you taste the pee? No. It’s not about experiencing the pee, it’s just that you know it’s in there, and the knowing ruins the experience a little bit.
Recently, I went to one of those candlelight concerts. It was Fleetwood Mac covers played by a string quartet surrounded by thousands of candles in an old church. Whoever came up with this idea is a genius. I get overstimulated easily, so I don’t love stadiums full of loud fans, sweaty bodies and thick smoke. I get why people like that, I just can’t handle it. So I’m at this concert and I’m having what I call an Art Experience. “Art” was my word of the year a couple of years back so I spent a lot of time thinking about what art is and how to cultivate more of it in my life. By the end of that year, I came to realize that art is anything that evokes an intended felt experience. My favorite art is something that makes me feel both alive and connected to something bigger than myself. That can be achieved through anguish and joy alike, as well as surprise, loneliness or embarrassment. To experience art is to feel.
The concert was art and I was completely in my element. About 10 minutes into the show I started noticing the guy behind me kept sniffling. He was also on his phone. But the sniffling was nearly constant. I’m a bit of a germaphobe so this kind of grossed me out, but more than that, it was loud. I was otherwise happy, listening to good music, played at a quiet volume, in an intimate setting, all except for Mr. Sniffles. Now I don’t know if meditation works for you, but I’m pretty sure this is the kind of thing people take up meditation to be able to handle. And, if I were someone who could meditate I’d be thinking, “This is what we’ve been training for!” Instead I was thinking of clocking the guy and going home to immerse myself in a bathtub full of vitamin C.
And then I had a thought: This is the drop of pee. All at once it became clear that the Would You Rather scenario is true and is playing out every day. The point of the Would You Rather game is to come up with fake situations and pick between two terrible options. The only thing that makes it fun is that, thankfully, you don’t have to choose between, say, being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic needing to poop and being small-scale electrocuted, the gambit they pose in So, I Married and Axe Murderer. Ha, ha, ha, wouldn’t those circumstances be terrible? So glad we don’t have to actually do any of them. But at the concert I realized, shoot, we really do have to live our lives with a drop of pee in our drink.
See, I’m mostly a homebody. I can control that environment- the temperature, the food quality, the company I keep. I like clean water, as it were. The problem with home is that the art is out in the world. Home is comfy and clean, but it’s plain water day after day. Lattes and pina coladas, fresh squeezed orange juice and peppermint tea are all out in the world where it’s dirty. And crowded. And busy, hot, germy, backed-up with traffic, noisy, rude, fill-in-the-blank of your least favorite parts of the world. So what to do?
I grapple with this a lot. Adulthood seems to be about finding the right balance of things. Not overly busy, but also not bored. Not too much indulgence, but also not so healthy that we lose our will to live. Enough play, but also enough work to pay for the down time. Perhaps we don’t have to choose just one- water forever or any drink you like with pee. Perhaps we actually have a daily choice, how much pee can you stand today in order to experience art, and the world?
I do know this for sure: Try not to let the pee get in your head. If you choose the concert, don’t let the guy behind you ruin it. Or, if we’re being more honest, don’t ruin it for yourself by focusing on the guy behind you. I think for me, I’ll choose plain water a lot of the time because I like to be comfortable, and I don’t need that much stimulation. But maybe when I pick the world, and all of its messiness, I’ll try to really pick it. Maybe we can choose to let the pee exist as part of the experience. Go in knowing that it will never be everything that you wanted, but it’s still worth seeing.
It isn’t enough to be safe, we must also feel alive. As far as I can tell those two live on opposite ends of a spectrum. Find the balance that works for you, but I encourage you to not be afraid to dabble at the other end sometimes. By going in with realistic expectations we can stay out of the victim stance that is sure to spoil experiences and dampen our lives. Plain water is pure, but boring. Other drinks are fun, but tainted. I hope you find art out in the world. Live your big, imperfect life. And also choose strong drinks, it’s easier to ignore the pee.
About the Author: Laura Zwisler is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the owner of Lafayette Couples Counseling. She specializes in relational therapy and men’s work. Her practice reflects a deep belief that through corrective relational experiences we can heal traumas, get needs met, and fulfill our greatest potential. In addition to counseling, Laura supervises interns at People House, leads workshops and trainings, and writes about the human experience. If you are interested in working with Laura, please visit: https://www.lafayettecouplescounseling.com/ or email her at: laura@lafayttecouplescounseling.com.
