You Are More Than the Story of the Self: How to Become a “Being” ll By Brenda Bomgardner

Do you find yourself trapped within the pages of what could be called “the story of self?’

We all have one. It’s the narrative that either you have created for yourself, or that’s been created for you.

These storylines eventually come to define who you are, whether you like it or not. Yet, there is a way to break free.

If you are realizing that you are more than the story of the self but still feel stuck, take heart. You can make the move from the story of the self to becoming a true “being.” Here’s how.

Remove the Label

One way you are defined is by labels. Sometimes, you label yourself. Other times, people stick you with a label.

Many labels exist, but only you know the ones sticking to you. Think about whether these labels apply to you. Do they accurately define who you are?

You might hope there is something more to you and your life than mere labels. And, there is!

Labels usually apply to what others see on the surface. The true you, the “being” within, doesn’t need labels at all.

Consider how labels apply to you, and then imagine yourself ripping them into little pieces. The true you can’t be simplified by a label.

Break Out of the Box

“Boxes” are a way to keep people confined and to limit who they truly are. In the story of the self, you may have boxed yourself into a particular role.

For example, you might feel stuck in a certain career track, with little room to break into a new field. Even though the other line of work might align more with your authentic self. Still, worries about money or other people’s perceptions keep you boxed in.

Hundreds of examples exist of when people withhold who they truly are. If you feel boxed in, consider how you or others keep you there.

How to Become a “Being”

To become a “being,” it’s helpful to reflect on how labeling and boxing in apply to you, of course.

One critical and unmentioned component, however, is fear. While it’s certainly a powerful motivator, fear can do you a disservice as you write your own story. It keeps you from realizing your authentic self, such as:

  • You worry about what your friends or family will think
  • It’s unfamiliar territory
  • Moving to your “being” requires risk
  • The journey can be difficult
  • There’s no guarantee of success

Some of these might be realities in your life.

For example, someone who wishes to be open about their sexuality may face real risk and even danger from family or others with different beliefs. Thus, they may wait for a certain time, place, and circumstances to come out.

In other instances, though, these fears are not based in reality at all. Rather, they are the storylines that you create in your mind to prevent you from reaching your full potential.

Personal Coaching Can Help

Personal coaching can benefit you as you try to thrive as a being. A coach can help you identify ways you have become stuck in the story of self. That way you can develop a plan to get unstuck and move forward.

Another way coaching can help is by utilizing value cards. In the storyline of the self, you might feel confused or unsure of your values. Value cards can help you identify what’s meaningful for you. Knowing your values, you can easily shift to a more authentic “being.”

You are more than the story of the self. Yet, the process of moving towards “being” can be intimidating or even frightening at times.

It’s worth it if you can live a life of “being” rather than having labels define you or feeling boxed in.

Coaching can help you make changes by providing support as well as insight, empowering you to be who you truly are.

About the Author: Brenda Bomgardner is in her encore career. One of her greatest joys is seeing people move beyond life’s roadblocks toward a fulfilling and meaningful life. She believes each person has a purpose in life waiting to be realized that evolves over a lifetime. And the path to reaching life’s purpose is as unique as each individual. We all have dreams. Step by step she will walk with you on uncovering how to bring your dreams to fruition.  Brenda is a counselor, coach, and clinical supervisor specializing in practicing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (ACT) which is a cutting edge evidence-based process. This means there is scientific research proven to show ACT works. Before becoming a therapist, she completed a successful 17-year career in Human Resources at a Fortune 500 company. On a personal note, she loves the great outdoors, ATV riding, adventure travel, and family. To learn more about Brenda visit her About Me page.