A New Year, A New Life? Reframing our Pursuit of Meaning and Purpose || By Kevin Culver LPCC
New Year’s resolutions, love them or hate them, will always be a topic of conversation this time of year. In our interactions with friends, coworkers, and families, we will inevitably be asked, “You got any New Year’s resolutions this year?” And when we don’t have an answer – like wanting to eat healthier, work out more, or read more books – an awkward, and perhaps judgmental, silence may ensue.
There is immense societal pressure, especially in America, to set resolutions in the New Year to improve our lives with new habits and lifestyle changes. But for most of us, if we’re lucky, our resolutions will only last a few months before our motivation peters out and we find ourselves back at square one.
A deeper longing
However annoying this cycle of started and failed resolutions may be, I believe that this annual burst of motivation to better ourselves reveals our longing, as humans, to live a fulfilling and meaningful life.
This desire to live a meaningful life shows up prominently in many of the clients I work with, but their desire is often blocked, in part, by the way they think about meaning and purpose in their daily lives.
Frequently in session, my clients will sarcastically ask, “What is the meaning of life?” or “What is my purpose?” only to scoff, chuckle, or let out a cheeky smile. These questions are asked so often that they have lost their significance and become rhetorical.
These questions feel so unanswerable, uncertain, and weighty. There’s something about these questions that feels intimidating and narrow – how are we to confine our lives to a singular purpose, task, or vocation? To even think about it feels overwhelming and impossible.
A simple suggestion
I think these ‘big’ questions are still worth asking though. But for these questions to actually have an impact on our day-to-day life, I suggest a simple change of wording, a reframe:
- Rather than asking, “What’s the meaning of life?”, what if we were to ask ourselves, “What is meaningful in my life, right now?”
- Rather than asking, “What is my life’s purpose?”, what if we were to ask ourselves, “What moments in my life have felt purposeful?”
Life application
To me, these reworded questions feel different – they feel vibrant and alive with potential, rather than being dead-end questions that lead nowhere and discourage progress.
I think all of us can find something, however small, in our lives right now that feels meaningful. It could be a relationship, a friendship, a hobby, a task at work, a walk in the woods, a morning ritual, a book that enthralls us and grabs our attention.
Moreover, most of us have also experienced moments of purpose. Perhaps it was found in a certain class in school, in an interaction, a conversation, or through an activity that made us feel alive and in the moment.
The point here is that meaning and purpose are all around us – all we have to do is take a moment to pause, reflect, and notice. But, to do so can feel impossible in a world bent on perpetual progress, success, and growth. To pause and reflect feels opposed to progress; yet, it is in these moments of silence that we are able to recenter ourselves and rediscover how we want to live our lives.
A challenge
So, to end this blog, I leave you with a simple challenge:
- In the coming week, I challenge you to set aside 10-15 minutes, grab a pen and paper, silence your phone, and reflect on these two questions:
o “What is meaningful in my life, right now?”
o “What moments in my life have felt purposeful?”
- Write down anything that surfaces or grabs your attention, however small or insignificant it may seem.
- Then at the end of the time, look at the list and see if there are any shared themes or similarities across your entries.
- Think of your entries as guideposts to greater meaning and purpose in your life. We will continue to explore this topic in future posts, so hang on to this sheet.
Future direction of blog
In the coming blog posts, I will continue to expand on the topic of meaning and purpose. I will use each blog to focus on how meaning and purpose can show up in certain areas of our lives; specifically, in our relationship to self, to others, to the world, and to the cosmos.
Until then,
– Kevin
About the author: Kevin Culver, LPCC, is a professional counselor, published author, and owner of Resilient Kindness Counseling. Kevin has a MA in Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Theological Studies. With a background in spirituality, philosophy, and psychological research, Kevin provides a holistic approach to therapy that seeks to honor each client’s unique personality, worldview, and life aspirations. In his therapeutic work, he helps clients rediscover their humanity and create greater meaning in their lives, work, and relationships. He enjoys working with individuals from all backgrounds, but specializes in working with men’s issues, spirituality, and relationship issues. If you are interested in working with Kevin or learning more about his practice, please visit resilientkindness.com or email him at kevin@resilientkindness.com
