Growing Pains: New Things Are Possible Now – Lydia Taft
Transformation is on my mind. Transformation, change, movement, growth… whatever one decides to call it, it is stalking me. I see the clock and it reads 5:55. The license plate, the tarot cards, the signs all around me read 5. My attention is 5 oriented. Change, change, change. I am haunted by the idea.
I realize I’ve never fully embraced the idea of change. It’s different, it’s new, and it’s unknown. I sit here and feel this idea out. Regardless of whether I welcome change or not, there’s no denying that I am ready to give birth to something new. That statement resonates as true. As I write that, I recall the experience of pregnancy and ultimately giving birth to my two daughters. The very first thought that comes to mind was that it was painful, but if I am truly honest with myself, I realize it was also so much more.
It began with expectation, and dreaming, and imagining what might be. It was exciting. I was expanding in every way. My body, my emotions, my thoughts, my identity: they all grew and carried me along. Ultimately, when it was time to give birth, any fears I might have held about the unknown future no longer mattered because there was no going back. I gave birth. Each time, with each daughter, when the nurse placed my child in my arms, I was this new being. They were born and I was born. I was transformed. No matter how painful, there is not a single moment of my birthing experience that I would wish away.
My beautiful daughters have continued to enhance my life. They have challenged me to expand over and over again. If I was stuck on one way of thought… well, they would offer unlimited other ways to view a situation. With them, I’ve had infinite opportunities to release, to embrace, and to expand my perception of self and the world we share.
Yes, sometimes this growth has been painful. There have been many ideas I’ve not wanted to release. There have been many moments I’ve fought my own expansion and I suffered in my struggle. I’ve built walls and have had them torn down. I’ve held firmly to my own opinions and fought to keep them. I refused growth and I suffered for it. And then one day I gave birth again. I transformed whether I wanted to or not. And all the fear and resistance I held onto no longer mattered. I am reminded that when change stalks you, you may as well just surrender. You just can’t stop a birth.
So here I am again. Change is stalking me. It is coming. Change is here. I am reminded not to fight it. My growth is inevitable. I am being transformed and expanded, and born again. I face a new me. I have given birth to myself today. I left an old idea behind. I stretched beyond what I was, and entered into now. I have changed. New things are possible now.